Desperation
by writing.is.a.curse
Summary: "FILI!" He screams as the Goblin behind him pulls the sword free of Kili's torso. Pain sears through him, unlike any pain the young dwarf has ever known. He is going to die.


Desperation

Kili felt tears spring to his eyes, although he wasn't sure why.  
His hands reflexively went to his stomach, where he felt something sharp, and cool, along with something warm and sticky.  
Pulling his fingers away, he saw dark red liquid glistening on his grimy hands.

Kili looked up to find his brother, Fili, whose face was a look of pure terror, as his lips formed the name "Kili"  
Said dwarf looked back down, where he saw the top of a sword sticking out from his stomach.

Letting out a gasp, Kili fell to his knees, the sword pulling painfully at his insides, but none of it mattered.  
All that mattered was the look on his brother's face, and the glistening lines from his eyes to his chin; tears.

"FILI!" He screams as the Goblin behind him pulls the sword free of Kili's torso.  
Pain sears through him, unlike any pain the young dwarf has ever known.  
He is going to die.

He's about to fall flat on his face when somebody catches him, pulling his limp body over into their lap.  
"Kili" He hears Fili say, soothingly as he wraps one arm around his brother, the other wielding a sword directed towards the fat and lumbering Goblin king, who is trying to get past to no doubt finish Kili off.

Thorin steps in front of the Goblin, Gandalf, Ori, Dori, Dwalin, and Balin following.  
Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bomber, Bofur, and Nori form a circle around Fili and Kili, who is barely hanging onto life.

"Hold on Kili, we'll save you, we'll get you home and safe"  
Kili had no idea where home was, but he supposed anywhere but here. Maybe in the mountains, oh what he wouldn't give to see the cool grey mountains one last time.  
Or to be a child again, to ride on Fili's back as his older brother ran through meadows and fell, Kili landing in a tangle of limbs with him.  
Or to even be fighting Orcs in the forest, snow covering the tops of tree's and falling on their faces, making Fili and Kili, despite the battle, laugh.

Just realizing he was running low on air, Kili grabs his brothers jacket in desperation, trying to breathe heavily.  
"Fili" he says, panicking.

Kili feels Fili's tears drop onto his own cheeks as his brother clutches him tighter, dropping the sword.  
"I can't live without you Kili" he says, sobs clutching at his throat.

Kili takes a moment to realize that his brother wants to die. Fili will lay down and die just because Kili is dying.  
"No" Kili wheezes weakly, the simple word making black and purple spots appear behind his eyes.

"Shh, don't talk" Fili says, using a gloved hand to wipe away the tears on Kili's face.

"But…I-" He's silenced by Fili shaking his head.  
"I don't want to lose you brother, not now"

Kili finds he's no longer able to talk, so he just moves his head.  
"I always thought, knew even, that I would be the one to die first, that you would have to bury me, and stand over my grave. I'm the oldest, and I shouldn't outlive you"

Kili feels more tears trickle down his cheeks, and then all there is, is his brothers face, and then everything goes black.  
He can still hear Fili talking to him, talking to him about when they were younger, taking archery lessons in the forest, spearing apples on steel arrows.

Fili even talks about the travel to Bilbo Baggins house, and how they drank ale and laughed at Ori, Dori, and Nori walking far behind them.  
And then Fili mentions the time at Bilbo's, when Kili was throwing cutlery and plates at the other dwarves, catching them perfectly as he always could.  
And then Fili starts to sing, Misty Mountains, quietly, so only Kili could hear. Or maybe it was just that Kili could only hear his brother.

_Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
We must away ere break of day  
To seek the pale enchanted gold._

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,  
While hammers fell like ringing bells  
In places deep, where dark things sleep,  
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord  
There many a gloaming golden hoard  
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught  
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.

On silver necklaces they strung  
The flowering stars, on crowns they hung  
The dragon-fire, in twisted wire  
They meshed the light of moon and sun.

Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To claim our long-forgotten gold.

Goblets they carved there for themselves  
And harps of gold; where no man delves  
There lay they long, and many a song  
Was sung unheard by men or elves.

The pines were roaring on the height,  
The winds were moaning in the night.  
The fire was red, it flaming spread;  
The trees like torches biased with light,

The bells were ringing in the dale  
And men looked up with faces pale;  
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire  
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

The mountain smoked beneath the moon;  
The dwarves, they heard the tramp of doom.  
They fled their hall to dying -fall  
Beneath his feet, beneath the moon.

Far over the misty mountains grim  
To dungeons deep and caverns dim  
We must away, ere break of day,  
To win our harps and gold from him!

The pines were roaring on the height,  
The winds were moaning in the night.  
The fire was red, it flaming spread;  
The trees like torches biased with light,

The bells were ringing in the dale  
And men looked up with faces pale;  
The dragon's ire more fierce than fire  
Laid low their towers and houses frail.

Kili sighs, or tries to sigh as Fili finishes the song. Tears falling freely from his eyes as he holds onto Kili tighter than before.

Kili can no longer hear anything, just feel his brother's arms around him, and his tears hitting Kili's cheeks.  
But soon he even loses that, and he struggles to remember the last of his memories, until one comes to him, sharp as the sword that stabbed him.

_"Come on Fili" A small armored boy yells, unsheathing a sword from a small tool belt, stolen from their father's forge.  
"Kili! Kili!" the small boy hears his brother shout, as the ginger dwarf rounds the corner.  
"Thorin's visiting!"  
Dropping the sword and detaching the tool belt, Kili runs with Fili as the two brothers run into the small cave which holds their father's forge.  
"THORIN!" Kili yells with delight as their uncle breaks into a grin upon seeing them both.  
Fili is 14 years old, no longer one for hugs, but Kili is only 9 and his uncle is the biggest and strongest person he's ever seen, and even the biggest and strongest dwarf needs to be hugged.  
So Kili runs and jumps into his uncles arms, hearing Fili huff behind him.  
Thorin gives a deep throaty laugh "I figured you two would be the first to greet me" he belows, setting his nephew down.  
"Where's your dad?" Thorin asks.  
The smile falls from Kili's face and a frown takes over it. "Out back, as usual. He's practicing with some weapons"  
Thorin nods and excuses himself.  
Kili turns back to Fili, and twitches his nose.  
"I want to be just like uncle Thorin when I grow up" _

And then everything is gone, even that memory, and all Kili has are his dying thoughts, and one name upon his lips that he's too weak and too unconscious to even say:

"_Fili" _

__**I hope that made you sad the way it made me cry writing it. **


End file.
